A spouse has the internet split over their efforts to make their husband keep the promise he made about their vacation.
Writing to the popular Reddit forum r/AmITheA**hole, stylized “AITA”, u/witchyli earned over 1,000 comments and 5,700 upvotes for their post, “AITA for refusing to let my brother-in-law in even though he flew all the way here to speak to my husband about an emergency?”
The original poster (OP) says that they’ve never had a vacation with their husband that wasn’t “ruined because of his work.” Whenever they go on vacation, u/witchyli says, their husband would either be stuck on the phone dealing with a crisis—or they’d have to leave early to fix whatever problem was going on at work.
They ultimately told their husband they didn’t see any point in going anywhere on vacation, and their husband promised that this time would be different, and they say he even make sure no one could contact him during the vacation.
All was going well until, with four days left to go in the getaway, their brother-in-law flew to the family vacation home, saying he needed to speak to his brother because of a work emergency. The OP told him he couldn’t come in, and that he needed to wait until the vacation was over.
Instead of waiting, he came back a few hours later, and his brother answered the door this time. He was upset that he hadn’t been let in, and so was OP’s husband that he hadn’t been told his brother had come with an emergency.
However, in a later comment, the OP clarified that while they didn’t know the nature of the “emergency,” their husband did tell his brother he’d deal with it when they got back. They also admitted in that comment that they should have told their husband about the brother’s visit.
It’s legal for an employer to call an employee and demand they answer while on vacation, according to Alison Green’s advice column Ask a Manager. Legally, employers are not required to provide paid vacation time, Green says, and have the right to make whatever rules they want about that vacation time.
But, as Green says, “This is one of those issues where the question of what’s legal is different from the question of what’s smart.” As the purpose of a vacation is to let people “recharge,” she says, it’s often foolish to keep infringing on vacation time without reason.
The internet was divided over who was in the wrong in this particular issue.
“[Everyone Sucks Here],” u/Gummick said in the top-rated comment with 12,000 upvotes. “Husband needs to sort out his work life so that you can enjoy time off together. But you really should of let him know his brother had turned up. You can rightly argue he needs to keep his word and not let work de-rail another holiday, but you shouldn’t use deception to achieve it.”
“OP is [Not the A**hole]. Her husband finally arranged for them to have time off together without disturbance. to the extreme degree of even doing something with the phone so that they couldn’t be bothered. Presumably BIL KNEW this, and decided he was too important to be included in this exclusion so he marched his happy entitled a** to their location IN PERSON. I wouldn’t have let in him nor told my husband about him either. BIL is totally [the a**hole], and hubby is skating the edge of A**holism too,” u/shadesofgreymoon wrote.
“Dude needs to learn how to delegate. Nobody is that important unless they make the situation what it is themselves. Also, don’t make decisions for other adults. [Everyone Sucks Here],” u/TheFightingQuaker wrote.
“[Not the A**hole]. Your husband knew what he was agreeing to, and you and he found that he’s incapable of holding to an agreement. No more vacations until you and he have explored this to your satisfaction. Prolly joint counseling is needed,” u/billlevansatmariposa wfrote.
“I’m going with [You’re the A**hole]. If his work is why you can afford vacations and he is that important to the function of the business, maybe some understanding?” u/butadol wrote. “If he is just an employee for a company and has to request vacation time off and have it approved, then you’re [Not the A**hole].”
“[You’re the A**hole], your husband had no control of his brother showing up at the family vacation home, he is not at fault for that, you could have at least told him,” u/Joholification wrote.
“[Everyone Sucks Here], husband needs to sort his life. What did you think would happen? BIL would shrug defeated and get on a plane home? He flew to get your husband’s attention. Of course he was going to come back p**sed and your husband would find out,” u/Puzzleheaded-Gas1710 wrote.
Newsweek reached out to u/witchyli for comment.